Do you find yourself fuming when someone
cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure go through the roof when your
child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but
it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a
toll on both your health and your relationships.
Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering
these 10 anger management tips.
1: Take a timeout
Counting to 10 isn't just for kids.
Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and
count to 10. Slowing down can help defuse your temper. If necessary, take a
break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.
2: Once you're calm, express your anger
As soon as you're thinking clearly,
express your frustration in an assertive but no confrontational way. State your
concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to
control them.
3: Get some exercise
Physical activity can provide an outlet
for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. If you feel your anger
escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite
physical activities. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that
can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked
out.
4: Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to
say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts
before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the
same.
5: Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad,
work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you
crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule
meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week.
Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything, and might only make it worse.
6: Stick with 'I' statements
To avoid criticizing or placing blame —
which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe
the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that
you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of,
"You never do any housework."
7: Don't hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you
allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you
might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the
situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at
all times.
8: Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension.
Don't use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
9: Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation
skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or
repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy." You might
also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it
takes to encourage relaxation.
10: Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone
at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of
control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. You
might explore local anger management classes or anger management counseling.
“Do not let your
anger lead to hatred, as you will hurt yourself more than you would the other.”
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