How to Negotiate Effectively

Negotiation is a fact of life. Little children learn about it early. You did, too. Were you effective? Are you now? Do you want to improve your abilities?

Effective negotiation is not a contest of wills to determine who has the most power. It is not a game in which each party seeks to best the other. No contest. No games. But, there are rules - Rules that make the dialogue respectful and the outcomes fair.

There are four main keys to successful negotiation:

1. People - Separate the people from the issues. There is no need to personalize the issues with remarks about the person on the other side of the table. Stick to the issues. Be soft on people and hard on issues. This way you can keep the relationship and a mutually satisfying outcome.

2. Interests - Focus on the interests of the other, rather than the position. Put yourself in the other person's shoes; it'll help you identify interests. Ask yourself: "Why does she take such a position?" "Does any aspect of my proposals conflict with those interests?"

3. Options - Work with the other party to generate a variety of options from which to create a solution. Brainstorm possibilities without judgment or comment. Then, look for areas of agreement. Where are your interests shared? Where are the interests a good fit? Explore options that are of low cost to you and high value to the other party and vice versa.

4. Criteria - It is imperative to negotiate within mutually agreed-upon standards of fairness. These criteria may range from current market value to procedures for resolving conflict. They will allow you to create an equitable solution while keeping your relationship intact.

Negotiating fairly builds trust. Before beginning to negotiate decide on the ground rules and stick to them. You are setting the standard for future conversations as well.

Remember, you teach people how to treat you in two ways: you know, set and enforce your boundaries, and, you demonstrate your values in the ways you treat others.

“Negotiation occurs when human beings exchange ideas for the purpose of changing their relationships.”